Some kind of book review: The Solitude of Prime Numbers.

I’m late to the party of hip books and trends in general. The reason that I post this is not that I want to deliver a terrific review of great importance to the world. Although this post marks a huge milestone for me personal. That one little person in the world, that is me, was able to read a book. ‘Is that such a big deal?’, you may ask. It certainly is, not in the greater picture but let me explain.

 

As a child I used to read everything. Of course books  come to mind but I enjoyed reading at the breakfast table too. I read all the cereal boxes and milk cartons. I was that kind of a reader, an escape artist in my own mind. This love – or need – to read was replaced by music later on. I needed to read for school but to study books brings a different kind of joy to reading. Reading with the purpose to master the knowledge presented does offer an escape too, just a different kind.

 

When I remembered my love for the written word, I was estranged from it. There was a barrier between my mind due to lack of joy and lack of cognitive abilities and the pleasure of reading. That may sound strange but just to cope with ‘life’ took everything I had, every resource. I bought books, made plans to read them, especially in summer. The books waited for me, they are just that kind and patient. I talked about reading books, in therapy and to friends. ‘I want to read but what if the book ends?’ What if I may feel that emptiness again? I didn’t want to be lost all over again and be on the lookout for the next book. I wanted a steady supply with endless possibilities to relax. I began reading and stumbled upon the subject of child abuse. That was not the plan. I read another book and it was so good that I couldn’t start another one. I did eventually and I struggled. I wanted to read! But the book was just bad and it took me so much effort that didn’t want to give it up. You know, I wanted return on investment. It took me a while to forget about that book without feeling guilty.

 

With the isolation during the pandemic that we are living through at the moment, I made my ‘big’ decision.  I would read, if not now than when? I started with a simple and easy to read thriller in Dutch. Pierre gave it to me and I gave it a go. It wasn’t that good but I noticed that I could read. (I was still afraid being confronted with my depressed brain with no attention span.) The font was big enough and the plot wasn’t complicated. I managed to finish it.

 

 

Now I was ready for ‘my’ books, the ones waiting for me, the one that moved with me from my apartment to my new home. I chose the ‘Solitude of Prime Numbers’ by Paolo Giordano. We follow the lives of two people who are a bit peculiar in their own right. The girl struggles with her body what we see described in her relationship with food and the boy does self-harm. It is not a classic love story, not at all. The two people you read about have their families and their past. They are connected but at the same time they struggle with that connection. The question would be ‘What it is to make a true connection with ourselves and with other people?’ Can we calculate or understand what that connection is or are we doomed to end up as prime numbers that do belong in the world of mathematics but have their own particularities?

 

I am proud that my brain is able to finish a book while my body is able to relax while reading. I see this as a big step forward in my recovery. I’m planning to write maybe more reviews in the future as I can add ‘reader’ to my identity. It feels like I’ve found a big piece of me, like a kid that finds a treasure on the beach.

 

Thinking about books I like to read a common threat is appearing, which I’ll quote from the book:

“Choices are made in brief seconds and paid for in the time that remains.”

― Paolo Giordano, The Solitude of Prime Numbers

 

Have you read this book and what did you think about it?

 

 

Notes and further reading.

 

The solitude of Prime Numbers – Paolo Giordano on Goodreads. 

POST: Are books good for your mental health?

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