I’ve managed to build up my burn out for a long time. Now I’ve recovered, I can look back and tell my story. Doing so I see clearly some warning signs that my body was trying to get to my head but both were not on speaking terms anymore.
I noticed that I needed to leave for work much much earlier. My legs were just slower in the morning. I adjusted what I needed to do. I lived from holiday to holiday while studying during those holidays. I was going to be a wellness coach (oh Lord, the irony) while surfing at the Canary Islands. I surfed, studied on the plane and yes, somewhere in between I made time for Pierre.
The last holidays we went on was to Martinique. Normally I love to arrange some things for our trips, as we used to travel a lot. We also met while traveling. I like to look up some B&B’s, look for places to (vegan) eat and so on. This time I didn’t lift a finger, it was all up to Pierre.
We left home by car,direction Paris. We stayed there in a crappy hotel (way overpriced), to get up really early to get stuck in traffic. Don’t drive around Paris around 8 o’clock in the morning!
Due to the long travel time, airport, lay over, plane, luggage check in, security check and a vile jet leg I lost it. I don’t know what I lost, I guess my sanity or the little bit I had left at that point. I lost it completely! But before that happened I also managed to make a scene at the airport because I was afraid that our (mine, I need to be honest) luggage was not going to arrive because of airport things. Pierre solved this crisis by taking me to the desk from the agency to ask what and how things are handled.
Being in the hotel room with the change of climate and not being able to sleep or to turn my rambling thoughts on a smaller frequency, I woke up in the middle of the night, started to pace around the room. Getting irritated with the conditions. I was irritated with myself but projected this onto the wide world. The wide world didn’t respond, so I searched for smaller things to lash out on. The room, the window, the food, everything! Everything was bad and I had no possibility to get rid of that ugly, fearful feeling inside of me.
Pierre took me to the beach. We laid under a magnificent palm tree and all I could do is cry. In public. I knew, I understood that this was supposed to be my relaxing time, our romantic time. And what did I do? I blew it. I was angry, sad, unable to smile, unable to relax, unable to enjoy and unable to sleep.
Pierre managed somehow to comfort me. He gave me food, hugged me, comforted me. And he took me into the sea and put me on a surf board. That was amazing. The water there is so beautiful. The most beautiful waves I’ve seen in my life were in Tartane in Martinique. I was extremely tired, was really struggling to carry my board to the sea and with the paddling. But once on the wave, it was magic. The sea heals, the sea understands.
It’s not always easy in the ocean. I got lost in the current, couldn’t concentrate on my way out. I yelled at the sea, I screamed at the waves when they were going to hit me further down the wrong way. Did I gave it my all!
But once on the wave and on the board I felt like a champion. I did catch some green waves, some really good ones. A green wave is a wave that is not broken yet, so you see a clear wave without the foam. It also means you need to paddle far out into the ocean to catch them.
This is exact the spot we went:
I enjoyed these holidays as much as was possible. Nature, Pierre, the ocean, it was all perfect. Once back at home, work was waiting for me.
Picture credits: People photo created by alexeyzhilkin – www.freepik.com