Why connecting with mini-me is not a bad idea.


I learned that the ‘inner child’ is a psychological reality and a very strong one. I’m not convinced but I’m open to the idea.


Most mental disorders and destructive behavior patterns are, as Freud first intimated, more or less related to this unconscious part of ourselves, the inner child. We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us. But most adults are quite unaware of this. And this lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is precisely where so many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from[1].


To become an adult we need to acknowledge, accept  and take responsibility for loving and parenting one’s own inner child. That is also the only thing that resonated with me from the Terrible Therapist. But to begin with I find it hard to find my Little One, she is mostly neglected, sitting in a corner with her head covered. She is denied many things, she is been critiqued for every detail and she is mostly afraid and just sad. What to do with a child like that? She wants to play all the time and eat pancakes every day.



Inner Child Work



To become adults, we’ve been taught that our inner child–representing our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, joy, sensitivity and playfulness–must be stifled, quarantined or even killed. The inner child comprises and potentiates these positive qualities. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers. “Grown-ups” are convinced they have successfully outgrown and left this child–and its emotional baggage–long behind [1]. But this is far from the truth as I came to discover the hard way. I really thought that I somehow was going to outgrown all the trauma and losses just by stepping over them. Like when you’re depressed, you just need to cheer up right? Wrong.


In fact, these so-called grown-ups or adults are being influenced or covertly controlled by this unconscious inner child. When I wrote about my ability to be endlessly irritated and that the result can be an ‘explosion’ of my emotions, it is the Little One that reacts to the situation.  It is a hurt, angry, fearful little girl calling the shots and making adult decisions. Yet this is precisely what’s happening with us all everyday to some degree or another. And then we wonder why our relationships fall apart. Why we feel so anxious. Afraid. Insecure. Inferior. Small. Lost. Lonely.






[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evil-deeds/200806/essential-secrets-psychotherapy-the-inner-child

Picture credits: click here.

19 thoughts on “Why connecting with mini-me is not a bad idea.

  1. I think the extent to which an inner child has been suppressed or integrated in a more healthy manner is dependent on the conditions one was exposed to as a child. I had mostly positive experiences as a child, and don’t recall being exposed to messaging that innocence, wonder, joy, sensitivity and playfulness must be stifled as part of the transition into adulthood. Now I feel like that childlike part of myself is still there, but I conceptualize it as woven into my overall self rather than being a separate part of me.

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    1. That sounds so healthy to me, good for you.
      I find this inner child work very helpful to me, it sets something in motion, it makes me connect to me. What it really does, is that it makes me aware of how and what I think in certain situations. This is very very new for me and maybe the post is written from a single take on the theme. I can surely understand and appreciate your views on it.

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      1. That matters so much to find a way of conceptualizing that resonates. It’s good that there are many different ways of looking at issues because it makes it more likely everyone will find something that they connect with.

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      2. Yes that is so very true. Working on this path I came across feelings and motivations of the Little One and that are things that adult me doesn’t remember at all. But it made sense, I accepted it and I can work through it. The work seems never to be done!

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    1. I understand the not-understanding. It is because I’m learning in therapy now to work with the notion of the Inner Child that I write about that. I myself find it a strange method but I feel that it is working somehow, so I’ll keep on practising with it.
      Thank you for reading! It is very kind of you!
      And on some people … yes they can do that, as long as they are happy it is possible I think. Everyone is responsible for his/hers own happiness.

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      1. Not that I’m aware of (😆) We do have another saying that my teacher used to tell us quite a lot. It loosely translate to: ‘Gracious the poor of mind, because they too will see God’. Do you have such an expression in english?
        I like that you let me know what posts are a bit too much out there. With this one I knew but feedback is always appreciated and not forgotten. It may take a very long time but I will remember to write about the Berlin Wall and it’s consequences.

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      2. No we do not have that expression but it makes perfect sense. I see lots of new concepts in your posts, I really look forward to reading them because I feel I am learning something. If they are long, if they are short, so be it, it is nothing. (Either way, I read them slowly to absorb them 😄)

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    1. Why wouldn’t you be nice? For me it helps to listen to the Little One and she is smart beyond her years and tells me everything. And it al makes sense, that is the very weird thing about it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting. Now I wonder where I first encountered the inner child concept. I remember thinking about that when I was still a teenager, worrying that I would lose my wonder and joy when I grew up. Of course, I was also bemoaning my “misspent youth” during the same time, so I’m not sure what was going on there. An inner adult, maybe?🤔

    There was an exercise I once did where I was supposed to identify and reintegrate parts of myself that weren’t being taken care of, and one of them was a frightened child self. My solution was to assure her that my adult self would protect her from now on. It actually did feel really comforting, and I try to remember that promise anytime my childish fears start acting up.

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    1. I think that to recognize the concept of the inner child you need to be able to distance yourself from it, so in adolescence that would make sense to me. I was told by my mother to take care of my inner child what was something strange as I thought it was her job. I think it is very caring of adolescent you to be on the look out for little you.
      The inner child needs an adult for protecting and comforting and maybe structure, for all its needs. I think you did what I’m learning to do now 🙂 Thank you for commenting, you are always so thoughtful.

      Liked by 1 person

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