The winding road of therapy. Depression and burnout. Part 4.

 

Dear reader, today we arrive in the present time. My encounter with therapy due to burnout and depression. As I did write before,  at the age of  16 a GP talked to me about having symptoms of depression. During college I sought help and was in counseling for two years. (If you like to read about that you can click on child and teenage years, college and adult life). After a few years of getting a steady job, a new need surfaced and I found my current therapist. At the age of 38 (yes, I am that old!) new events did occur.

 

August 2018. The first person I met on my journey was my GP. After a breakdown at work – I literally ran away from work that day – Pierre had to convince me that I was not well. I didn’t see it was that bad. He went with me to the GP to reassure me. That was a very big help. I think that I would ‘just’ have gone to work if I didn’t feel that there was someone on my side to help me clarify the situation to my GP. I was tired of thinking, tired of keeping it together, tired of putting ‘my big girl panties’ on. I definitely didn’t have the strength to think clearly about what was happening and I couldn’t articulate my thoughts.

 

It felt like being in a washing machine and trying  to identify that one sock you’re looking for.

 

I did my best, cried, uttered the disappointment in both myself and in my workplace. I spoke about the guilt I felt not being able to execute my work as I know I could do. My partner was able to summarize some things and to put them into a bigger perspective.  I myself, had lost every context, every boundary. I was able to speak about a certain point in time, about a situation but the bigger picture was gone. I spoke but my brain didn’t register what I’ve said. My GP said I had symptoms of  burnout and he told me to take two weeks off. He referred me to a treatment center specialized in anxiety and burnout. I was reluctant and thought if I did relax for two weeks, things would clear up.

 

Those two weeks went by and I wasn’t feeling any better. Again I leaned on my boyfriend to be the voice of reason. Together we went to his GP because mine was on holiday. He also spoke about burnout. He told us that there was no medication to help me and that the best thing I could do was to relax and go for walks ‘with my hair in the wind’. This stuck with me because he had funny curly hair himself and I made a picture of that in my head. Because my symptoms didn’t clear up on their own I felt compelled to call the treatment center. To be really honest, I called them because my GP stressed it so much and I knew I had to go back to see him. There was a waiting list of a month.

 

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JR Korpa

 

September 2018. As I showed up at the center, I was given a short explanation. They used a behavioral [1] frame with a focus on positive [2] psychology. They aimed to help people ‘back on their feet’ within the time span of 5 to 10 sessions. The therapist who was scheduled to do the intake, wasn’t going to be ‘mine’ therapist once decided that I was an acceptable candidate for the therapy. They charged 80 per session, the intake was 50, no help from insurance there. That was difficult since work hadn’t paid me for the month of  August and the insure wasn’t going to pay till the next month. I said: ‘Ok’.  In October I started the sessions.

 

 

Dear reader, that was an overview of my first encounters with therapy since being diagnosed with burnout. If you enjoyed reading my journey, there will be more next Thursday. The reason that I write ‘just’ weekly about it, is that I’m still in the stages of recovery. So as not to overwhelm myself but also to be able to process what happened, I need to let it out little by little. I thank you very much for being here with me and I wish you a nice day.

 

 

 

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behaviour_therapy

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology

The winding road of therapy. Depression and burnout. Part 5.

The winding road through my encounters with therapy while dealing with burnout and depression. My GP I referred me to a treatment center specialized in dealing with burnout and anxiety. First there was the intake…   September 2018. During the intake I was asked questions from a questionnaire to scan for burnout and to differentiate … Continue reading The winding road of therapy. Depression and burnout. Part 5.

11 thoughts on “The winding road of therapy. Depression and burnout. Part 4.

    1. That is true, it is expensive to get treatment and to get the right treatment is also difficult I’ve experienced. But on the other hand, you need to do it. If I could have ‘overcome’ this on my own, I would have done it years ago. Thank you for following my story! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Thank you for sharing your story about your experience with burnout. I think you’re so brave for seeking help, and in trying a new GP when yours wasn’t available. Hope you have a nice day today xo

    Liked by 1 person

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