Surprising symptoms of depression and burnout. Part 4.


Hello and welcome. How are you today? Are you curious what surprising symptoms I discovered during my journey while struggling with mental health? This post is for you! I never imagined all of the things I would come across besides the more known ones. Here we go …


Loss of finances. Stating the obvious and reality calling! I can write and think about my feelings and difficulties in life all I want. I can investigate the causes of depression and its consequences. But the truth is that I am not able to work at the moment. I experienced some difficulties with my health insurance here and there, which leaves me without an income for periods around a month or a month and a half. Then they do pay but I need to be cautious to be able to have some cash in scarce periods. Luckily I don’t need a lot of money because I don’t do a lot of things due to fatigue and loss of motivation. On the other hand I do have  monthly expenses and every additional expense (a broken heating or a visit to the dentist) is a source of additional tension.

The road to recovery isn’t free. My psychiatrist referred me to a therapist. The first one was an absolute disaster but did cost me 50. The next one costs 80 per session. But what can I do? Can I tell the doctor that that’s a bit out of line? That I don’t want to go except that I do because I need to get better. There are also some little losses of money. When I do manage to get to the store I plan ahead for a few days. More often than not my plans to eat better aren’t realistic and I don’t use the stuff up. It goes bad and I need to throw it away. I feel guilty and it’s money down the drain. When I’m not able to go (I don’t own a car so it’s all on bike for me) to the cheaper store which isn’t in the city center (duh!), I need to visit the smaller nearby shop which is more expensive. One needs to pay for comfort. Only for me it’s not comfort but a necessity.


Being sick makes poor.


Routine/no routine. At first I was drawn to a routine. I adapted my lifestyle with one and one goal only: to make my life easy. I wished that everything would go so smoothly and that everything would be so clear that I didn’t had to think about it anymore. No worries and no stress. If only the stress would go away, I would be de-stressed and therefore forever happy. Maybe not happy but I would create the space in my life to be able to be myself. This led me to apply some changes in my life on different levels.


Content Pixie


Now, I’m wondering why I made those changes. Is it because I liked them or was it to escape the difficulties that I experienced?


What do I mean? I had ‘everything set’. I had ‘work’ clothes, always the same pair of jeans (I have 2) and a top. My esthetic was set. Hair: easy updo (always the same) or cut into a bob (easy!). Shower: every day, not to worry about hygiene. Home: minimalistic approach because easy to clean. Food: vegan because just veggie and fruits, no need for other ingredients. Do you see a pattern here? Hobbies: surfing (holidays destinations limited); yoga (planned me-time) and working out (to be able to better surf). Cleaning with a routine (just do it and get over it.) The home was always clean so I didn’t had to worry about it. Except that I did. I was so busy planning and executing my ‘simple’ life that it wasn’t helpful anymore. I became the routine. Slowly I started to live in my head and every feeling of individuality was lost.


As for today the pendulum has swung completely to the other side. I have no routine at all and that’s not comfortable either. Forcing myself to have daily or routine tasks is draining. So with this one I ask you for tips or insight. I find it so hard to keep a routine without going in overdrive. I can’t seem to find a middle ground. I notice that just ‘normal’ tasks like cooking, cleaning, taking a shower, brushing my teeth don’t flow. I can’t seem to do them in a ‘flow’ but I first think about them. Once I start thinking I’m lost or at best some steps behind. I don’t know how to overcome this one. I try to ‘feel’ more and to think less but that doesn’t work. I never ‘feel’ like brushing my teeth. Do you also struggle with those ‘simple’ tasks? Am I the only one here?


Markus Spiske


This post was a more difficult one for me to write  because I’m actively struggling with these points and I didn’t find a solution yet. If you recognize the struggles or have some tips for me, please let me know in the comments. If you are interested in other surprising symptoms I discovered, you can find them here: part 1, part 2 and part 3.




11 thoughts on “Surprising symptoms of depression and burnout. Part 4.

  1. I find routine helpful because it frees up mental energy for other things. But there are a lot of things that I have a hard time making myself care about, like brushing my teeth. Sometimes I force myself to, but often I just think what’s the point?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, what’s the point? Even without thinking that I don’t do it. I’m not opposed to it. Routines can be helpful but my guess is I overdid them and developped an adversity 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, I can relate to this. Some time ago I went into routine overdrive (perfectionistic tendencies..) and when I got burnt out there was no routine at all, which felt very uncomfortable! Now I have identified a few ingredients of my everyday life that I feel are very important to me and my health, so I’ve incorporated them into my new routine either daily or weekly, and I plan a good moment for them. For example, I carve out 1,5 hours in the morning to have enough time to get up and do all the morning things but also do my yoga and meditation. I have standard nights (2 per week) for me-time, to do whatever I feel like at that moment. I also have a set afternoon per week for housekeeping duties. And I make sure I walk everyday. Etcetera. I plan everything in a visual digital calendar, and also block time for commutes and eating and stuff, so that I can easily see how much time I spend on things and that I keep enough “blocks” free for spontaneous stuff. It’s all in the balance! Which may be the hardest thing to do, and of course your preferred balance may change over time. I have determined my ingredients out of my core values and what I have experienced to be beneficial to me. With your tooth brushing issue for example; I also don’t feel like doing it but because my health is important to me and it’s one of the simplest things I can do to maintain good health, I just do it. When you’re living based on your values and basic life ingredients, choices get much easier. Hope this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello Iris, that is a great answer! I’m working on my values. I need to ‘push’ mine before everything else and that is where it doesn’t go so smooth. But I can do a small thing right? Maybe not ‘as big as groceries’ but a little more in the comfort of my own home like ‘brushing teeth’ because taking care of me can feel good. I think that I’ll be able to develop a more ‘block routine’ like you describe in the future but as for now I run from every ‘routine’. I’ll start small. I value your answer very much, thank you!


  4. I can relate! Due to a couple of bad bipolar episodes I was fired from my job in April. I went broke. Then got a new job in June. One bipolar episode later and I got fired again! I haven’t worked in 2 months. I’m applying for public assistance now. Last week I had an emotional breakdown where I couldn’t get out of bed, shower, eat, change clothes. I have no insurance so I scraped up $130 to see my psychiatrist. The main problem was that without the routine of work, all hell breaks loose. I stay up all night. I forget my meds. I don’t communicate w anyone. Just today I got up and slowly started feeling better. Depression, bipolar, either one can make you lose everything in a short period of time. Your life could be ruined.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It takes everything, it touches on all the aspects of life. It is not only an affective disorder, it disregulates the whole ‘you’. I hope you’ll feel better soon or as good as possible. I’m sorry you had to go through all of it. Thank you for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I forgot to say, another thing is that you neglect. You neglect yourself, your loved ones, your responsibilities, your animals!!! I think I forgot to feed my dog for 3 days. So he ripped open a trash bag and now there is litter, disgusting stuff all over my house. Ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

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