This is a series about surprising symptoms and circumstances I noticed while dealing with burnout and depression. One year ago I couldn’t imagine this would be my life. Life and its ways …
There is stuff everywhere! Stuff is already a problem without my mental problems. I have so much stuff. Over a year ago I Marie Kondo-ed my home twice and still … Now with lack of focus, the place doesn’t look how it used to be. When you’re beginning to pick up your life during depression, you need to adjust your expectations. It’s difficult to be easier on myself and not to expect it to be how it was because I see what I see. I see dishes, laundry, the bed that needs to be made and dinner that won’t cook itself. Instead of doing all of those things I’m happy to write this blog. Maybe it’s an avoidance strategy? What do you think?
Weight loss and weight gain. First there was weight loss because I was too stressed, too panicked and too tired to eat. With depression came little interest in eating healthy. This resulted in weight gain. So, that must balance out I hear you thinking. No no, more is gained than was lost off course. Maybe it’s due to medication. But I rather feel better with more weight than appear thinner but feel utterly miserable. Oh another fun fact, all the stress from the burnout had his impact on my digestive system. I will not elaborate on this point because tmi.
Gasping for air, feeling your heart beat. My mindfulness teacher told me that was a good feature because it ment I was still alive. Well, that is true. But my body felt in a constant state of panic while I was just sitting down, watching tv, sat on the bus, walked the streets ….
Being tense all the time. I hear and see everything. I hear it when my neighbors cough, when their water runs, when they leave the house and when they come back home. And sometimes it scares me, all the sudden noises (when the front door closes it makes a bang!). It didn’t use to but it does bother me now. I hope this tension will leave soon, it knows already where the door is!
Sweating a lot. This one is a bit embarrassing but mostly inconvenient. When I rushed to work, already stressed out and fearful, I arrived a bit sweaty. During the workday, trying to keep up with all the tasks, I did sweat some more. I remember a patient handing me a deodorant. She was so sweet about it. She wanted to help me out and not to hurt my feelings. But it was what it was. I ran around like a chicken without a head, a sweaty, smelly chicken. Due to excessive sweating I changed clothes more often, the laundry piled up, I had to do more laundry and as a result had even more things to manage. I thought there was something wrong with my body (maybe early menopause?) but now I don’t sweat that much. It was a reaction due to stress I believe. Hmm, nice to know.
On this ‘hot’ note I will leave for today. Did you encounter some of these strange symptoms? Or do you have questions for me or maybe you want me to elaborate at some points? (maybe just not the sweating!) Let me know in the comments. I wrote more about my surprising symptoms, you can read part 1 and part 2 here if you like.