Depression/burnout and surprising symptoms. Part 2.

Hello. Welcome back to part 2 of surprising  symptoms. Glad to see you here! Why do I write about symptoms? It took me a long time before I realized that it was not ‘all me’.  I attributed a lot of the following symptoms described to myself, to my character. Although I believe some are more likely to be character traits that were expanded, others are more due to the disease. Like irritability and having an extremely short temper. That is just not me and never will. Maybe I’ll put up better boundaries in prevention of possible temper explosions. That can be the lesson but I don’t believe I need to keep up with all the symptoms for the rest of my life. In the very beginning though I thought it was all me. That I had changed so much and I didn’t recognize myself at all.

 

I struggled with making decisions. What do I want to do? What do I feel would be good for me? How can I turn off my mind? But what should I have for lunch? Is it lunch time yet? On the flip side, I saved a lot of money because I’m not able to go shopping due to lack of decision skills. On the other side, I don’t have a career plan. Due to burnout my job is on hold. I want to be able to look to the future because now I just feel stuck. I know that it’s not the time to make huge life decisions but I also do need those life changes to get myself out of this rut. Again, time will tell. Aagh …. The circular reasoning and overthinking are back again!

 

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Joshua Fuller

 

When mentally ill I noticed that my world became very small. In the beginning it mainly existed of  managing appointments and talking about myself. The last one still feels weird. First of all, you need to tell your story to different unknown people. I felt like I needed to show my most vulnerable self to a bunch of strangers with opinions. I do have a therapist, he knows me. My GP doesn’t know me at all because I’m rarely ill. In the very beginning of all this, my GP suspected burnout and said to take 2 weeks off of work. I needed to make the call. This is worth mentioning! Here we go:

 

 I call and tell my boss that I have burnout. She responds: ‘That’s fine. Oh no, that’s not fine at all. You need to rest well and let us know how you evolve’. That was it. Not a minute on the phone.

 

Two weeks later my GP was on holiday, so I had to visit another one. Then I had an intake with the burn out coach. When I started the treatment there, I got assigned to another one. The doctor of the insurance company wished to see me. And that was my introduction to the mental health field. Off course my boyfriend, family and friends also wanted to know how I felt and what was going on. My neighbor noticed that I was more at home and the lady from further in the street passed me more than ever while walking her dog. She is very nice and listened to my story.

 

Loss of social contacts.  Since being ill I spend most of my days at home. Going outside involves people and that scares me and takes up energy. When I look outside and see people enjoying the sun, I still feel weird. I think, sometimes, that others can see that I’m struggling. I’m not used to social interaction anymore. I can do it, but there is a small threshold. Sometimes I forget I need to pay attention to me and that’ I’m fine as I am’ and I try to appear ‘normal’, like the ‘old me’. Well, that’s a struggle. I can enjoy social contacts, just in moderation. Some friends or colleagues surprised me by telling that we would stay in touch but that didn’t happen. Others message me from time to time. I have few friends but the ones I have; they are golden! They know me so well, they don’t care that I’m fussy or need to cancel the appointment because I’m tired. They were more surprised that I fell ill when I did, meaning that I kept it together for so long. They tell me that I was unhappy for a long time. They remember me about my dreams when I was a teenager. They are just …. Lovely!

 

On this lovely note I’ll thank you for being here and I wish you the best friends and a nice day!

 

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Joseph Pearson

9 thoughts on “Depression/burnout and surprising symptoms. Part 2.

  1. Ooo, I found your comment in the spam ….. tsss ….. I believe there is a balance in everything 🙂 When I’m too much on my own I go crazy from the voices in my head. But people can be straining too, so … I practice the art of being in between.

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  2. I used to think I wanted to live in a big city, amid all the people. Now I’d love to live in a rambling old house on acres of land near some majestic scenery [because research shows the happiest people live close to places of profound natural beauty ;-).] but within 30 minutes of the rest of civilization. Seriously, though, yeah, your world can feel very small when you’re managing your mental health. I wonder in a way if that’s a way to protect our minds when they’re in a fragile state? Too much access to others might cause too much chaos in our minds that we can’t start healing? Kind of like someone who must be placed in a medical coma to quiet the brain so the body can concentrate on healing? I actually don’t know. I’m just musing. And I must say, you are funny. I’ve discovered my bullsh*t radar as well, but am still learning how to operate it to max capacity 😛

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    1. That’s a wonderful thing, the bullsh*t radar, we need to use it as often as we can. I think it protects the mind. Like you said, a little less social interaction can also be seen in a protective way. I like that musing of you 🙂 I live in the ‘big’ city but I have plans to move to a more sereen place. It will do me good. Thank you for visiting!

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  3. I blog frequently and I truly thank you for your content. Your article has really peaked my interest. I’m going to book mark your website and keep checking for new information about once a week. I subscribed to your Feed too.

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    1. Hello Kayleen, I’m glad you found it interesting. Maybe you could leave a link to your blog, so I can read too? I’m glad you’r going to check in regulary. Thank you!

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